The 80% Rule: An Intriguing Alternative to Partnership Dynamics

Date: Aug 28, 2023

The 50-50 Ideal: Fair, But Is It Enough?

For much of my life, I've held onto the belief that a fair and equitable partnership—whether in marriage or parenting—should ideally be a 50-50 split in duties and responsibilities. You take care of half, I take care of the other half, and we make a whole together. On paper, this sounds perfect.

Yet, I've begun to question its effectiveness.

The 50-50 model has its shortcomings. For instance, I've often felt as if I'm shouldering more than my 'fair share.' Additionally, the rigidity of this model offers little flexibility when life throws curveballs—illness, emergencies, or just the sheer unpredictability of day-to-day living.

Pondering the 80-20 Rule: A Thought Experiment

An exciting alternative has recently caught my attention: the 80-20 rule. This is purely a thought experiment at this stage but a compelling one. The premise is simple but radically generous: what if both partners aim to contribute 80%, expecting the other to cover the remaining 20%?

The Hypothetical Benefits

I can't help but see several advantages to this approach:

• Generosity as a Default: Here, the baseline is giving more than what is 'required.' No more tallying points or feeling unfairly burdened.
• Built-in Flexibility: This model seems better equipped to adapt to the unpredictable nature of life. Because you're already in a 'giving more' mindset, there's less emotional friction during challenging times.
• Faith Over Surveillance: The 80-20 model could negate the need for constant mental accounting of who did what. It requires faith that your partner is as committed to this generous approach as you are.

Potential Obstacles

Of course, I see challenges in implementing this:

• The Willingness to be Generous: If you struggle with the idea of giving more than you receive, this approach may feel uncomfortable.
• The Trust Factor: Without mutual trust, there's the risk of both partners 'holding back,' defeating the purpose of the rule.

Customizing to Individual Strengths

What's also appealing about the 80-20 rule is its adaptability. Imagine taking responsibility for 80% of tasks that play to your strengths and your partner doing the same. The remaining 20% for each job would then be left to the other, making the division equitable and efficient.

A Personal Mantra for Consideration

As I mull over the possibility of integrating this into my life, I've considered adopting a mantra: "I give freely, knowing you do too." It serves as a gentle reminder to cultivate a generous spirit, even as I continue to weigh the pros and cons of this alternative model.

In Conclusion

I have yet to adopt the 80-20 rule fully, but it's a concept I find increasingly appealing as I consider its potential benefits and challenges. It flips the script on conventional wisdom, advocating for a more generous, adaptable, and perhaps even harmonious approach to partnership.

It's a concept worth pondering.